Corey Collymore enters the dining room at breakfast time and — to wild cheers — wishes all the fathers a Happy Father's Day which encourages conversation, jokes and unlimited goodwill. A summary of events by Ted Corbett.
June 11: So Michael Vaughan admits he tells a lie about the "Fredalo" affair. What a shock. Oh, dear, I may pass away in a dead faint. No, on second thoughts I will stay on my feet and try to count the names of all those sportsmen who tell me lies. There is the coach of the first professional team I follow. I will just call him Bill; he may not wish the greater public to know that he tells me the names of the team after training every Tuesday night and the club announces a different set of names the next day. "Bill, why do you do this?" I ask plaintively after it happens three weeks in a row. "I am trying to fool our opponents," he says. Frankly, he is not too bright. Then there is a great — I mean that — football manager who cannot lie straight in bed. When he appears in a court case, the judge describes his evidence as "a pack of lies." This manager thinks the truth can change according to the time of day or the way the wind blows. Still, he is a highly amusing man and many of us tolerate his wandering mind because he tells the stories in such a funny way. But beware. If a football manager tells you he will not pick the team until the morning of the match, be sure he knows precisely what it is right now. If he says he has his eye on a Brazilian centre-forward and he will tell you the name tomorrow, be sure this wonderful player does not exist. And if two team-mates tell you they have an almighty row but they are the best of friends again, you must remember that you will not see them laughing and joking together any time soon.
June 12: Let us hope that we hear the last of the Bob Woolmer affair. Not very likely, of course; no doubt in weeks or months or years there will be a new theory which blames his death on witchcraft, long distance radio beams or aliens. I am happy that his family will be able to relax a little and that the slur which seems to stick to Bob is seen as having all the frightening potential of a paper gun. Let me say this for the last time: Bob is a nice guy, improves the cricket of anyone who comes into contact with him and manages to retain a wider vision. I know where his ambitions lie. He wants to retire, to run his coaching website and to write. "It's all part of a plan I have in mind for several years," he says. "Will you help? I feel I can write better if I learn some of the rules of grammar, syntax and so on." I laughingly say I will be his writing coach. Sadly, that will never happen.
June 13: An analysis of Geoff Boycott's family tree reveals that not only is he a first generation Yorkshireman which comes as a surprise but more oddly that one of his ancestors adopts a boy by the name of — you will never guess this — Gough.
June 14: All the talk about this being the most marvellous job in the world is oft repeated but sometimes you have to do the hard work that goes with a jet set life. It occurs to me again as I drive to Durham through squalls of rain, in heavy traffic among motorists who are so tired of their own hum-drum lives that they attempt not only to end their own lives but to take every other road user at the same time. It is also the first indication that the fourth Test is not going to start early and that even wending our way to the Riverside ground is to be a messy, muddy business.
June 15: I often grumble about the amount of security that exists at cricket grounds but I watch a television programme about the 1976 tour by West Indies in England — when there are big crowds to see the Windies win the series followed by riots in the areas around south London — and see the disturbing sight of hundreds of fans running on to the ground whenever there is a significant moment. Luckily no one gets hurt but that in itself is a miracle and Viv Richards being mobbed after making 291 hardly adds to the dignity of the occasion. He tells me, he feels he is being offered the love of the crowd. "We are an affectionate people and we like to show our joy when we feel it. The restrictions that were in place during the World Cup recently hurt us. I want to see the pleasure brought back into the game although I realise that some of the stuff that has happened around the world in the last few years makes security important." He thinks it is one of the factors that can restore West Indies cricket to its old place at the top and we will all hope for that and soon.
June 16: Sir Ian Botham; Sir Beefy — it's official! Yes, as I suggest a couple of weeks ago, there is to be a ceremony in which Botham bows the knee for once in his busy life. The Queen says it is time to tap him on the shoulder and the whole of cricket is happy for him; not just because he is the life and soul of the many parties but because he puts in time and effort where it is necessary to find a cure for youngsters suffering from leukaemia. For that alone he has no need to bow the knee to anyone. As I go to lunch he is talking to a lad in a wheelchair and when I come back, half an hour later, the pair are still chatting away. Then he walks on to the field, gets a prolonged ovation on his way out and standing cheers on his way back. "I have several big moments in my career," he says. "But this is very special." The securitymen win a battle in their own inimitable way when the huge Ian Bishop tries to persuade them that he is one of the television commentators. "Even when I get a pass they refuse to let me in — they say the photo shows a guy with too much hair." When a security man cannot recognise Bishop — 6ft 6in and climbing — it is time to despair.
June 17: It's Father's Day and that seems to enliven the West Indies team no end. Corey Collymore enters the dining room at breakfast time and — to wild cheers — wishes all the fathers a Happy Father's Day which encourages conversation, jokes and unlimited goodwill.
Collymore is a new father and celebrates his wickets with a gesture that portrays a parent nursing a tiny baby. As they begin training this morning Darren Sammy is juggling with three cricket balls. That must be a first on a cricket ground.
Comments
SHARE