The Roman emperor Nero (yes, he who fiddled while his country burned) was an Olympian. Like many others, he had greater desire than talent, but unlike others he could change the rules.
He decreed that the Olympics be held in the year 67. It wasn’t scheduled then, but he was in the mood to participate and on an extended tour of Greece, so those were good enough reasons.
He won all the contests he entered. His record in the chariot race remains unsurpassed. First, he took part with 10 horses when only four were allowed. Then he fell off the chariot and couldn’t complete the race. He was declared winner, however, because, well, he was Nero and had a gigantic ego and a well-honed brutality to match.
Korean dictator Kim Jong-il was 52 when he played his first round in golf — at the championship course in Pyongyang. According to the state media, he shot a 38-under at the 7,700-yard course. It included 11 holes-in-one. No one dared point out the story had more holes than a golf course. On his birthday, Vladimir Putin took part in a hockey game as part of a so-called all-star team, and personally scored seven individual goals all by himself exclusively, as his team routed the opposition.
Although not in the same league as the dictators (even if he would like to be), Donald Trump’s shenanigans in golf are of a piece. In a recent message to the world, the former U.S. President wrote: “It is my great honour to be at Trump International Golf Club in West Palm Beach tonight, AWARDS NIGHT, to receive THE CLUB CHAMPIONSHIP TROPHY & THE SENIOR CLUB CHAMPIONSHIP TROPHY. I WON BOTH!” The all-caps are in his patented style.
Rick Reilly, a former Sports Illustrated columnist and author of Commander in Cheat: How Golf Explains Trump, and who has played with the president, has described how Trump “cheats like a mafia accountant” and keeps “kicking the ball out of the rough so many times, the caddies call him Pele.” He also takes endless free shots and falsifies scores.
After Trump’s recent ‘triumph’ Reilly told him: “Call us if you ever win one on a course you DON’T own and operate.”
As with his other boasts, Trump’s dubious claims to titles won on his own courses are well documented. And easily discredited. His West Palm Beach club listed him as its 1999 champion, which is really quite impressive since it opened only in the year 2000.
Still, Trump has some way to go before catching up with Kim Jong-il. Twelve holes-in-one and a 39-under are what he should be aiming for.
I think it was Eisenhower who said that since becoming President he noticed he was winning more regularly at golf. It was a later President, Lyndon Johnson, who clarified (in case clarification was needed): “One lesson you better learn if you want to be in politics is that you never go out on a golf course and beat the President.”
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