Lax, Ten & Channel 9

V. V. S. Laxman's (pic, left) eligibility for Test selection is not in doubt. His eligibility as the Bachelor Elegant is. Laidback Laxman has afresh to look. No more sitting on the Eden Gardens fence. In the coming Test against New Zealand, he has to show his inherent class.

BHARATAN

HAS the queenbee quest for Mandira's oomphy foil already begun in the rival camp? What's all this about Distant Sony Anchor Maria Goretti being in London to host an ESPN cricketing programme, alongside Ian Bishop and Nick Knight? Such a balloon, floated in the air waves, suggests that cricket centric espnstar is no longer hooked on being viewed as Navjot male chauvinistic. That it is considering the possibility of airdropping the still to be grounded hostess in Sherry's cheetah freed arms. The catch here lies in finding a young lady to telematch Navjot's Queen's Angrezi lexicon. Only the ageless Simi Garewal could measure up here, as one of Khushwant Singh's many knotty "nieces". But then Simi and Cricket, the two are as far apart as Nina Gupta and Viv Richards. Still the Mini World Cup is a full year away. Plenty of time for Sony to do some fantasizing. For STAR to do some revamping.

Memory on TV is as short as a Brett Lee bouncer. Recall Star Plus as an exclusive English channel — until Rupert Murdoch decreed its going Hindi with a Saas-Bahu vengeance? The outcome is the scale of income seeing Ekta Kapoor running woefully short of ideas. This during Indian cricket's off season. When Jeetu's dot should be on the slot. How Ruby Bhatia was taken off the Star Plus scene — packed off to KZK jail with her cell — the moment Mandira emerged as "Ms 46 Per Cent"! Only for Mandira to fail to pull in the remaining 54% as fresh KSBKBT viewership fodder. That was enough to have Mandira crashing out of the serial scene by sheer accident. Don't now be surprised if Ruby is back as deserving a break — from jail.

That way, even allow for Mandira the Phoenix to yet again rise from the KSBKBT ashes. Ash will tell you that no twist is beyond our script writers' range where it comes to a "star turn" of the viewership tide. By the way, where in Paro's name is Ash? V V S Laxman, as the Devdas of Indian Cricket, is still eligibly waiting. From Salman to Viv to Lax is but an Ash hop, step and jump. As pungent as Mangalore snuff — after having turned up her La Mer nose at Salman — does Ash still look. "Bride to be or not to be?" is Ash's dilemma. So that there is no scope for any Hamletian wavering in the stance VVS adopts against the Kiwis. "The Birds" had little time for the man half of Laxman so long as Rahul was the teen generation's tangy turnon. "Scot.land" Rahul did Nagpuritan Vijeta against the run of play. Leaving the field wide open again.

Yet nothing is going to happen if, perched on his Laxmanch, VVS hopes for Eden to fall into his arms. It's now or never, as far as Laxman goes. To Australia via "New Zealand". Bikini brief point — Laxman simply has to look a telesmasher in our two Tests against the Kiwis. Rather heavy on his feet (like Wisden on the shelf) has VVS tended to look of late. A slim and trim aspect must VVS now present to Henry Blofeld's ear-ring flaunting fleece. Lax's eligibility for Test selection is not in doubt. His eligibility as the Bachelor Elegant is. Laidback Laxman has afresh to look. No more sitting on the Eden Gardens fence — as during that October 2002 balla-in-hand 154 vs Carl's Carib. The Ahmedabadge Test vs New Zealand must see VVS come up with a Moterazzle-dazzle 100. For us to picture Laxman as retaining the inherent class to "do a Sydney".

Laxman must not wait until the final Sydney Test to unfurl the full array of his Channel 9 shots. His 4 January 2000 Sydney Test 167 resounds as a Channel 9 flavour to savour. Laxman has to excel that Sydney 167 (27 fours & a five) to grip Aussie TV imagination. Something in the same Eden street as his Wisdenting 281 alone would now convince the Steve-Mark Waugh Zone that VVS has the delicacy of touch to take on Ten again. Steve Waugh had, in writing, dismissed that Sydney Test 167 as "Laxman's one moment of glory". Until Steve eyewitnessed what the Spirit of Eden could do to Laxman. We saw on ESPN what a totally hangups free approach could accomplish for a team, the way Graeme Smith's South Africa put Michael Vaughan's England in the Lord's shade. To put the careers of Nasser, Alec and Darren on the line in one stroke. This is the possible hazard facing Sourav and Rahul, Sachin and Laxman, in Australia. That not one of them is getting any younger. Not even Laxman, he would have entered his 30th year by the time he reaches out for Cloud 9 on Channel 9.

All "set" to put each one of our four batting superstars on torture trial is Channel 9. This is the telly arena in which to perform. The Aussies habitually place every TV hurdle possible in your scoring path. But hug you to their bonzer hearts if you overcome the odds so teasingly tilted against any batting superstar touring Australia. Sachin here has his own Brian battle to wage. Laxman's Channel 9 comparison is straight with Sachin. Sunil G has not made the Dennis Lillee landing ground any easier. Waiting to Kangaroo pounce upon Sourav & Co are they. The chin part of Sachin is going to be on acid Channel 9 test. So too the Lax part of Laxman. The Sou part of Sourav. No less the avid part of Dravid.